Over the past couple of years, various friends have asked me what I do to help the kids through deployment. Here are the few of ways that we celebrate Daddy and survive the underway season:
When One of the Boys Starts Missing Daddy...
We go all
Peter Pan on the moment and think of the happiest thing! Sometimes Mo
or Kel will feel sad about Daddy's absence. We talk about their
feelings, and then I ask my child to think of one thing he would really
like to do with Daddy when he gets home. Then, we add that activity to
our list of "things we like to do with Daddy." When the CDR gets home,
he has a ready-made list of kid-friendly fun (and I have a date with
the mall).
When Mama is Too Tired to Read Bedtime Stories...
Daddy does it for her! Before the CDR left last year, he recorded almost 20 different bedtime stories on an old cassette tape recorder. The boys love pulling out a tape, placing it into the compartment, and pressing the big "play" button. Then they hear Daddy's voice, and their faces go absolutely golden. All I have to do is turn the pages (and stay awake).
When the Boys Ask "How Many More Days?"...
We count the links on our paper chain. Right after the CDR left, we spread out a big craft project on the dining room table. I used a small paper cutter to slice colored paper into strips, and the boys decorated them with crayons, markers, and stickers. Then my older son, Mo, helped me tape the links together. (Truth be told, he helped tape about 10 links, then got bored and went to play with his pirate ship. I did the rest after bedtime. Sigh.)
We hung our paper chain from the chandelier in the dining room, where we eat all of our meals. Each morning, one of the boys removes a link from the chain and we celebrate being another day closer to Daddy's return.
When Daddy Pulls Into Port...
The boys do NOT - I repeat, do NOT - talk to him on the phone. I know it sounds strange, and may not make sense, but trust me one this one: When my boys talk to their father on the phone, we take an emotional road trip right back to Deployment Day One. The hitting, the kicking, the crying, the screaming. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. About two weeks later, my 4-year-old finally breaks free from his emotional shackles. I take it upon myself to liberate his little shoulders from carrying that big old burden.
When We Feel Like Daddy's Missing Out on a Moment...
We set aside a "party favor" for him. If the boys are doing something memorable, we follow it up with an art project. The boys draw something about their special day, then I add each child's name and date, and set aside their pieces in a Daddy portfolio. When the CDR comes home, the boys can take Daddy through their portfolios, and the pictures will spark memories for them to share.
Okay, this last one we haven't done yet, but it's on my list:
When We Really Need a Daddy Hug...
We play Daddy Dress-Up! When I am particularly sad about my husband's absence, I pull on one of his old Coast Guard sweatshirts and snuggle into the lingering scent of aftershave. I wonder if the boys might like doing something similar? I bet they'd get a kick out of wearing one of Daddy's old button-down shirts and a tie.
Your boys are blessed to have you, and your blog readers are as well. You are one of my favorite Moms!!!
Posted by: Gin | April 20, 2009 at 09:55 PM
Sounds like you have many things in place to keep your family glued together. Creativity, optimism and distraction is the key plus LOTS and LOTS of LOVE.
You will have a huge list of things to do upon his return. Has that time come now? Take Care!
Posted by: Mary | June 01, 2009 at 09:32 AM
Where you could easily wallow, you rise above. I love reading your posts.
I'm sure it's not an easy journey, but your spirit and creativity make it tolerable, and help your kids deal with the struggles of separation. Wonderful stuff.
(And by the way, I'm still expecting a book sometime in your future. You're far too good of a writer to ignore your muse forever.)
Posted by: Clay | June 02, 2009 at 12:59 PM
sounds like you are making the best of a horrible company tradition: a few people trapped on a boat at sea on a regular basis.
i miss the boys and you the most. oh and clive too of course. all my love!!
Posted by: tara | June 11, 2009 at 05:42 AM