... Your 4-year-old poops in his underwear, your 2-year-old has his first blow-out diaper in months, and your dog steps in his own poop and tracks it all over the house... all within twelve hours.
... You find yourself crooning loudly along with the local blues station, "I got a HOUSE full of TROUBLE, and a ROO-OOO-OOM with a view of the BLUESSSSSS."
... You put your non-profit fundraising skills to work and send your friends a "Six Ways You Can Help" email (no, I did not ask for money... but I did request in-kind donations).
... You end each night with a glass of red wine, a piece (or three) of dark chocolate, and a chapter (or three) of a good book, dishes and laundry be damned.
... You take the kids out to eat at Applebee's, Panera, McDonald's, Red Robin, Starbucks, and Panera (again) in the course of just seven days.
... You repeat the same conversation with your 2-year-old at least three times a day:
"Where'd Daddy go?"
"Daddy's on his ship."
"On his ship?"
"Yes, Daddy's on his ship."
"Yes, Daddy's working on his ship."
"He's working on the ocean?"
"Yes, Daddy's working on his ship on the ocean."
"... Okay! You come play with me?"
"Yes, I'll come play with you."
... Your 4-year-old decides that hitting, kicking, and throwing toys are all perfectly appropriate behaviors.
... You remember all the amazing things about your spouse, and forget all the little things that make you frustrated.
... Your phone rings five times during dinner -- every call another recorder solicitation, not one a friend asking, "How are you doing? I'm thinking of you."
(Ooh, that one sounded especially pathetic... But I won't self-edit. I really did feel bummed about that.)
... You spend more time on Facebook... A LOT more time.
... You let the kids play in the bathtub for 20 more minutes than normal because you're not quite finished with this one chapter in the last "Harry Potter" book.
... You discover the true breadth and depth of your children's love when they find you crying on the kitchen floor, then wrap their arms around you and whisper, "Are you okay, Mama? We're right here. We love you."
... You drink more coffee... A LOT more coffee.